11/05/2009
so my parents are across the atlantic enjoying some paella and madeleines in their respective countries. it's the first time I'm playing house for real, but besides waking up ridiculously early to drive the brother to school it's not so bad coming up with meals. as much as I love taking pics of delicious food across toronto, this one's all me. will we survive a week of my cooking? ..too soon to tell..
wed night dinner: cream of mushroom pasta w/ broccoli and chicken
thursday breakfast: 3 egg-broccoli and asparagus omelet, toasted whole-wheat bagel w/ cream cheese
thursday dinner: fried rice w/ taiwanese sausage, bokchoy and peppers. side of corn and lobster balls!
currently brainstorming what to make tomorrow..
0 COMMENTS / 6:39 PM
10/19/2009
sometimes it's easier to say how you feel when there's no one in particular you're speaking to. i think.. rather i know.. that has a lot to do with lacking confidence when it comes to confrontation. i'm not sure what's been bothering me lately, a lot, a little, maybe it's nothing at all. i feel hurt inside, like one of the walls protecting my emotions has been ripped away.. leaving a more vulnerable feeling.. making me withdrawn from it all.
i should be happy. i am happy, right? or at least that's how i'd respond if someone asked me.. that's if the someone wasn't someone i confide in.. which only leaves a number i can count on half the fingers of one hand. perhaps in this case it'd be easier to confide in someone who knew nothing of me. there is a sense of catharsis speaking to anyone that doesn't matter.. it feels easier than telling someone you care about, or someone you really want to tell.
i feel suffocated in myself.. like i want to purge everything inside me that's holding me down. sometimes i think receiving affection, warmth or anything positive would help; but it's only added to everything. i very much dislike that i can't control this. i want to feel happy, stressfree, confident, secure, safe..
and above all i want to be a good girlfriend. i feel guilty for letting my emotions get to me, for not being honest, for pretending nothing's wrong just so how i feel doesn't rub off on anyone else. i feel helpless, worthless and ashamed.
1 COMMENTS / 4:45 PM
6/20/2009
so many good things to come:
niagara
nyc
shanghai
2 COMMENTS / 11:33 PM
4/17/2009
my eyes hurt
1 COMMENTS / 10:49 PM
4/04/2009
i know it's stupid to feel this way, but i can't help it.
0 COMMENTS / 1:54 AM